An adult diagnosis of ADHD comes flush with information, opinions and hot takes.

You're suddenly supposed to understand medication options, decode the difference between coaches and therapists, implement strategies you've never heard of, and become an expert on your own brain while that brain is still doing all the things that made you seek help in the first place.

It's overwhelming, and nobody warns you about that part.

Here's what I'd love to tell you if we met for a drink fresh from your psychiatrist appointment. Not everything at once, but the things that matter most. The things that hold up against the research and also hold up against the messy reality of actually living with ADHD.

1. Get to know YOUR ADHD

ADHD is heterogeneous, which means it shows up wildly differently from person to person. The TikTok creator who can't sit still might not look anything like you. The person who's always late might not be you either. Your ADHD is your ADHD. Figuring out your particular flavour takes time and attention, which, ironically, are both things ADHD makes difficult. Welcome to the funhouse.

2. The diagnosis itself might be imperfect

The diagnostic process has well-documented blind spots, particularly for women, people of colour, and anyone who's developed strong masking strategies. Some people are under-diagnosed. Some are misdiagnosed. I'm not saying this to undermine your diagnosis - if you've got one from an ethical clinician, there's almost certainly something real going on. But the process of getting diagnosed is fraught, and that matters.

3. Take ADHD seriously

The research is unambiguous: ADHD can significantly impact quality of life. We're talking increased risk of accidents and injuries, higher rates of early mortality, measurable impacts on educational attainment, employment stability, and relationship satisfaction. Higher rates of substance use disorders. It's not a cute quirky trait. If an ethical clinician diagnosed you, you met the threshold for symptoms that are impairing in at least two different settings. By definition, ADHD is causing you problems. I'm baffled by the cultural impulse to skirt around this reality, as if acknowledging that something is hard somehow makes us weak.

4. You can have a full and wonderful life with ADHD

Just about every definition of success includes people with ADHD. It's entirely possible to achieve what matters to you. My clients aren't just people who are struggling and completely dysfunctional. They're CEOs, lawyers, published authors, stay-at-home parents running efficient and love-soaked households, professional athletes, academics, artists, small business owners. The whole range of human achievement and contentment.

5. Be willing to shift your definition of success

An adult ADHD diagnosis often means you've spent years - maybe decades - trying to prove yourself on metrics that were never designed for your brain. Accepting yourself fully might include letting go of "being productive," "reaching your potential," being super organised, or being everyone's reliable go-to person as your personal success goals.

Or maybe it won't. Maybe those things genuinely matter to you and you'll find ways to make them work. Either way, it's worth examining what you're actually aiming for and why. Sometimes we're chasing things because we think we should want them, not because we actually do.

6. You're still a full and complex person

An ADHD diagnosis isn't the neat linear line to "oh...it was all ADHD" that you're being sold everywhere. ADHD frequently travels with companions: anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, sleep disorders, sensory processing differences, autism. If you've experienced significant trauma, if you grew up without basic needs being met, if you're navigating perimenopause or menopause, if you're dealing with chronic illness, if you're managing the impact of marginalisation - all of these things interact with ADHD in complex ways. You're not just an ADHD brain walking around.

7. Comorbidities are the norm, not the exception

Here's a statistic that should be shouted from the rooftops: approximately 80% of adults with ADHD have at least one other psychiatric condition. Around 50% have two or more. This isn't bad luck or a sign that you're particularly broken. There are likely shared neurobiological mechanisms at play. It's just how ADHD typically shows up in the wild. Knowing this can help you avoid the trap of thinking "if I just fix the ADHD, everything else will fall into place." Sometimes yes. Often no.

8. Working memory is behind a lot of this

Working memory is your brain's scratch pad - the thing that holds information while you're using it. It's why you lose the thread mid-sentence, walk into rooms and forget why you're there, or struggle to follow multi-step instructions. It's so foundational to the ADHD experience but often gets lost in conversations that focus only on attention and hyperactivity. Understanding that your working memory is genuinely different can help you stop interpreting these moments as personal failings.

9. Time is weird with ADHD

Time blindness, time optimism, the relationship to deadlines - this is a defining feature for so many people with ADHD. You might experience time as either "now" or "not now." You might genuinely believe you can fit twelve tasks into two hours because you're optimistic and generous about what's possible. This isn't a character flaw. It's a feature of how ADHD brains process temporal information.

10. Rejection sensitivity is real and brutal

Rejection sensitive dysphoria - that intense emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection - is prevalent in ADHD and destabilising when it hits. It's not the same as being sensitive or taking things personally. While RSD isn't formally in the DSM yet, emotional dysregulation is increasingly recognised as a core feature of ADHD, not just a comorbidity. Research shows people with ADHD have genuinely heightened sensitivity to social feedback - it's a neurological amplification of social pain that can feel completely overwhelming in the moment. Knowing it has a name and a mechanism can help, even if it doesn't make it hurt less.

11. ADHD resources require money, and that's infuriating

I don't mean ADHD is an invention of the elite obsessed with optimising performance. I mean there are massive, unjust financial barriers to diagnosis, treatment, coaching, therapy, and even basic accommodations. Medication costs money. Therapy costs money. Getting time off work to go to appointments costs money. The people writing books and creating courses about ADHD often have resources that enabled them to figure their shit out first. It's not fair. It makes me furious. But it's the reality we're working within, and pretending otherwise doesn't help anyone.

12. You are now inside an industrial complex

You will be marketed to constantly by people promising to fix you, optimise you, or help you "reach your potential." Some of these people are genuine and helpful. Many are repackaging generic productivity advice with "ADHD-friendly" slapped on it and charging you for the privilege. Learn to spot the difference.

13. If something's not a problem, it's not a problem

People ask me all the time for tips to improve their ADHD, as if the whole condition needs addressing. That's not a useful starting point. You might notice an ADHD pattern in your behaviour, but if it's not causing you problems, it doesn't need fixing. Not every ADHD trait needs to be managed, medicated, or optimised away. Some of them are just how you are, and that's fine.

14. Practise articulating and targeting specific challenges

Here's the cruel irony: the executive function challenges that are part of ADHD make it genuinely difficult to identify problems, prioritise them, and create action plans to address them. You need to be able to do the thing that the condition makes hard in order to address the condition. This is where external support - coaching, therapy, or even just good conversations with people who get it - becomes invaluable.

15. Relationships need specific attention

ADHD significantly impacts relationships. Romantic partnerships, friendships, family dynamics, work relationships - the research on this is substantial. Time blindness means you're late or forget plans. Emotional dysregulation means you react intensely. Rejection sensitivity means you interpret neutral interactions as criticism. Interrupting, losing the thread of conversations, forgetting important dates - all of it ripples outward into your relationships. This isn't about blaming yourself. It's about recognising that relationships might need specific attention and repair work.

16. People in your life might struggle with you changing

If you've had a late diagnosis, you've cobbled together adaptive behaviours over years or decades. Some serve you, some don't. I can almost guarantee there are patterns that work for the people around you but don't work for you anymore. Setting boundaries, asking for support differently, or changing how you show up might be uncomfortable for others. That discomfort is information, not a reason to stay small or keep performing the version of yourself that keeps everyone else comfortable.

17. Medication is not a last resort

Stimulant medication has been first-line treatment for ADHD for over 60 years. It's one of the most studied psychiatric medications we have - we're talking thousands of studies establishing both efficacy and safety profile in children and adults. Response rates are around 70-80% when you account for trying different medication options across both stimulant classes.

It doesn't fix everything and you might find after trying different options that it's not for you. But many people find it vastly easier to articulate challenges and implement changes when they're medicated. The idea that you should white-knuckle your way through every other intervention first before "giving in" to medication is moralistic nonsense with no basis in evidence.

18. Medication can enable flying closer to the sun

Medication increases your capacity, which means it can increase your capacity to overextend yourself. The initial honeymoon period can be intoxicating - that wonderful feeling of things clicking, of "just being able to do things" without the constant internal battle. I'm genuinely happy for anyone experiencing that. But it's worth examining your patterns and building other strategies alongside medication. Otherwise you might just burnout faster and more spectacularly than before.

19. Some lifestyle changes are evidence-based

Exercise, sleep, structure, and certain supplements all have solid research behind them for managing ADHD symptoms. Exercise improves executive function - even a single workout makes a measurable difference. Sleep matters because it affects the prefrontal cortex, which is already compromised in ADHD, and up to 70% of people with ADHD struggle with sleep. Structure and routine reduce the cognitive load of constant decision-making. Supplements like omega-3s show modest benefits in some studies, and if you're deficient in iron or vitamin D, addressing that can help.

None of these are cures. They're not replacements for medication or therapy. But they're real, documented interventions that can shift how you function day to day.

20. ADHD makes these changes hard to implement

Here's the catch: the lifestyle changes that help ADHD require the executive function that ADHD compromises. Planning ahead, following through, maintaining routines, going to bed at a reasonable hour instead of staying up with whatever's finally grabbed your attention - all of this needs the skills that ADHD makes difficult.

This isn't failure, and it's not about willpower. The condition itself creates barriers to the supports that would help manage it. Be gentle with yourself about this. Start smaller than feels reasonable, and get support where you can. Struggling to implement "simple" strategies doesn't mean you're doing ADHD wrong. Some people need external accountability, reminders, or someone else to help them build structure, and that's not cheating - it's working with your brain instead of against it.

21. Manage your energy, not just your time

Time management advice is everywhere. Energy management is harder to find and more important. This means actually figuring out what energises you and what depletes you - not what should energise you or what works for other people. Your specific nervous system's needs and preferences. Some people need people around to get things done. Others need absolute solitude. Both are fine. Figure out which one is you.

22. Do things you love

This doesn't have to mean your paid work. In fact, it probably shouldn't all be your paid work. Play, interest, novelty, challenge - these aren't luxuries for ADHD brains. They're how we function well. The things you do just because you love them aren't frivolous. They're essential.

23. Connect with people who get it

Sharing your experiences in safe spaces with people who understand is shame-busting and genuinely helpful. This might be support groups, online communities, or just finding your people. You need spaces where you don't have to explain or justify yourself, where someone saying "I forgot my best friend's wedding" gets met with "oh god, me too" instead of judgement.

24. Keep learning

Learn about ADHD. Read the research. Listen to people with lived experience. Take time to reflect on what resonates with you and what doesn't. Notice which information actually helps you understand yourself better and which just makes you feel worse or more broken.

25. Take breaks from learning

Constant self-optimisation is exhausting. The pressure to always be working on yourself, always improving, always implementing the next strategy is a direct path to burnout. Sometimes you need to just exist without a project plan for your brain. Give yourself permission to not be working on anything for a while.

26. ADHD flares during change and stress

You might feel like you've got things managed, then something as "minor" as a cold or as significant as a baby or a health crisis hits, and suddenly everything feels hard again. Your usual strategies stop working. The systems you built crumble. It's frustrating as hell, but it's also predictable. Knowing this pattern can help you be gentler with yourself when it happens and maybe even plan for it a little.

27. You're in excellent company

I have the best job in the world because I get to work with passionate, curious, creative, determined people who are figuring out how to build lives that work for their brains instead of against them. People who care deeply about things, who see connections others miss, who bring energy and ideas and a kind of aliveness to everything they touch.

Welcome to the club. I'm genuinely glad you're here.

You won't need all of it right now.

Some of these points will resonate immediately. Others won't make sense until six months or two years down the line. That's fine.

This isn't a checklist to complete or a roadmap to follow in order. It's just some things I've learned from research, from my own experience, and from hundreds of conversations with people navigating this same territory.

Take what helps, and leave what doesn't.

And remember: getting diagnosed isn't the end of the story. It's just finally getting the right map for the country you've been living in all along.